Things you think about at 36 weeks

I am almost 37 weeks pregnant and I have an induction date all set up so I know that in just two and a half short weeks this baby with be with us ready or not! Right now I'm leaning toward not. We have a stroller and a car seat, a basinet, and some clothes. But I haven't picked out a crib, baby monitors or gotten a baby bath. I'm not too worried as those are all things that can come later. But I do worry I've forgotten something important.

This morning as I was standing at the counter cutting up a bunch of fruit for breakfast. The boys were sitting at the kitchen island chatting and laughing, Mark was underneath the kitchen sink fixing the faucet, our little Scotty dog was where he always seems to be which was a sleep on my feet. I stopped for just a second and looked at them all and listened to the happy chatter and I got teary. It's partly hormones I'm sure, but for that moment I thought about where my life has lead and how years ago I would never have imagined being here and yet here in that moment it felt like everything was just as it should be. I have my own house, two happy, healthy, no longer little boys, a husband who wakes up and asks me first thing what he can do to help.  And then doesn't complain, even though I'm sure he wanted too, when I asked him to crawl under the sink and fix it. The summer sun was shining and for once the kitchen was fairly clean. It was such an ordinary moment and yet for that split second I could see how perfect it really was.  I wanted to get out my camera and take a picture but I didn't want to disrupt the moment.

Sometimes I worry about what adding a 5th person to our family will do. I have no doubts I will love this little boy with all my heart, I feel like I already do. There is something about knowing it's your last time pregnant that makes every little movement or kick special. But right now our family is doing so well. We had a hard last few years and it seems that finally everything is settled and we are all content with our lot in life. Will he be healthy? Will he be a good sleeper? Or will I spend my life as a zombie? Will the boys take to having a little person ruining their lego ships and pokemon cards? Will they love him and teach him what they already learned in their short lives? Or will they ignore the little boy who will be 8 and 10 years younger than them? Why did I think this was a good idea? I feel like the boys somehow managed to become amazing little people despite my Mothering not because of it. What if this baby doesn't take it as well? These are questions I find myself asking the heavens every night as I lay sleepless in bed and the closer it gets to the baby arriving the more questions I have. Please tell me I'm not the only Mother to feel this way?

Comments

[Sarah]

I struggled with many of the same questions before my third was born (and to complicate matters, we had increased odds of trisomy 21--so more worries about the impact on the older ones), but 7 weeks later, I can't imagine life without our baby. Not only that, but I can hardly remember what it felt like to be pregnant. Yes, my older two children are spending a little more time in front of the TV some days, but I think they are also learning how to love, share, contribute...and I wouldn't have it any other way!

[Mariah]

Aw Candice...
We have four children and with each pregnancy the worries and questions seemed to multiply. So, YES, it's very normal and just nature's way of prepping us. I am sure everything will fall into place when the baby is there, and life will sort itself into a new routine. What's more, you may well find yourself enjoying your new son more than you ever thought possible.

When my fourth was born I finally allowed myself to just sit, watch and enjoy that new life, much more than I ever did with the other ones. I think being older helped me to be a more relaxed mom.

Anyway, I think you're quite normal in feeling that way and I want to wish you all the best for the coming weeks, and I hope you'll have a wonderful birth experience. (But not too soon because you have to finish the "Oh Shoot" course I'm taking first!! ;)

[Kathleen Loughran]

I am just over 34 weeks and am so in the same place. I have one little boy and the miracle I carry is a sweet girl. I will be 39 one month after she arrives and therefore is our second/last child. I see how well we have adapted with one altering our world and question the same things. Will she be healthy? Will she be smart? How will my just turned two little man react? Will she be as good and sweet and easy a child as he has been? How will my husband do with a daughter? Will we find some routine before I need to return to work? ? ? ? ? ?

But Candice I keep trying to remind myself in spite of the rapid fire questions that fly through my mind she will come and our family will find the equilibrium it is suppose to.

Best wishes on a safe delivery and a healthy little man!

[Kimber]

I think almost every mother goes through those feelings and emotions. Candice, you are a wonderful mother, and your newest little one will be well-loved in your family. Being a walking zombie and having doubts and frustrations are all part of the experience, but you will continue to see those little perfect glimpses of life that you just wrote about.

Hugs to you. Laugh, cry, whatever. But embrace the experience with your entire being. It will be worth it.

[HIlary]

Totally felt the same before Paige.
ESp when you have a long break.
It'll work, but it's different.
Super. different.

[Alicia W.]

Wow, I needed this. I am 20 weeks with my #3...my daughters will be 5 and 7 when this little one is born. Things are so different this time because my other children are older...they have routines and schedules and activities. How will everything adapt? I don't know. I've loved reading the comments. Good luck with your baby's birth, Candice! I'm sure everything will work out just fine.